tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1852496254093254902.post1931114454501913324..comments2023-10-29T08:39:53.924-07:00Comments on Wanderer's Daughter: Disorganization and despairMaiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17149615417507090988noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1852496254093254902.post-5497045207247733512008-02-11T00:04:00.000-08:002008-02-11T00:04:00.000-08:00I'm sorry about all the sadness in your world righ...I'm sorry about all the sadness in your world right now. but, grieving.. it is alright - not easy, but definitely deepening. It's just another color on your palatte.<BR/><BR/>Unfortunately, I have experienced your worst nightmare and it has been the most difficult thing I've ever had to endure. It still is three years later. there's a lot I can say about grieving, the most important is that these big losses aren't ones you walk away from in any short amount of time. It takes years to come through the fog that shrouds you. I wish our culture was better at understanding that. A few months after a death or event, people get bored by it and want the grieving person to "buck up". At three years, I think it's finally a little better, but not over and I don't think that it is wrong or pathologic to take that long.<BR/>I've actually been thinking a lot about this over the last few weeks and although fairly disjointed, I have a lot of thoughts on the subject.Beebhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09729954586978143706noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1852496254093254902.post-90256399574996848832008-02-10T17:10:00.000-08:002008-02-10T17:10:00.000-08:00Grief unites people unlike happiness. And I feel t...Grief unites people unlike happiness. And I feel the bonds are stronger. <BR/>Thanks for a glimpse at your lining.crazyladyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10947147145476499867noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1852496254093254902.post-84899914168731578982008-02-10T10:14:00.000-08:002008-02-10T10:14:00.000-08:00To answer your final question: YES.Love this post,...To answer your final question: YES.<BR/>Love this post, and I could learn a lot from you. I need to work on my optimism.kitchuhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03907460384010952009noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1852496254093254902.post-26007616799646092602008-02-10T07:25:00.000-08:002008-02-10T07:25:00.000-08:00Holy @#it! The Dumbo scene - I've always held that...Holy @#it! The Dumbo scene - I've always held that movie scene as one of the best/most accurate illustrations of exactly what maternal love IS or should be...how, regardless of the inconvenience or personal sacrifice involved, the best mommys always put their lil ele-kids first (ex. mommy relinquishing their babies for adoption!)and Honey, that's enough to make even the hardest chin quiver! Decimates me EVERY time.<BR/>What has helped me most when dealing with grief, or fear is to focus on the loss/fear intensely for short bursts - REALLLY get down there and wallow - with a preset time limit - rather than allowing the grief or fear free reign to insidiously creep in at inopportune moments. This intense focus time gives "it" and me a safe haven to process the emotion, while still allowing some control - or sense of control at least - and sometimes, a lot of times, a sense of control is what I'm craving. Course, sometimes there's just no bridling that bitch and it'll get ya, but that's ok too. <BR/>Hang in there and kudos to you for being brave enough to talk about it at all.FishermansDaughterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03763378792595525590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1852496254093254902.post-62681325773101562352008-02-09T07:17:00.000-08:002008-02-09T07:17:00.000-08:00I can't respond to you because you are on non-repl...I can't respond to you because you are on non-reply... need to be able to shoot you an e-mail from time to time...insanemommyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08024207455562384017noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1852496254093254902.post-84744591152188404462008-02-08T22:17:00.000-08:002008-02-08T22:17:00.000-08:00There are always those that see the glass as half ...There are always those that see the glass as half full or half empty. I think it has everything to do with perspective, experience and personal choice. Only you can control and choose how you will react to any given thing in life. Having lost very many loved ones this past year, I choose to remember them with love and happiness and the joy they brought into my life. They are no longer suffering, and are at peace now, as am I. <BR/>I hope you find peace with whatever sorrow or grief is in your lives now, and hope that your beloved pet gets well soon. Hugs!Vivian Mhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14901008350652019275noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1852496254093254902.post-2323933338518468092008-02-08T19:33:00.000-08:002008-02-08T19:33:00.000-08:00I will never forget when my dad died at the age of...I will never forget when my dad died at the age of 9... At first I didn't cry... it took 2 days and I was at my nana's house and reading the newspaper and it was then that I started to bawl my eyes out... I like to think that for the most part there is a silver lining somewhere - I was angry for the longest time afterwards but now I am older and wiser... I think that had my dad not have died... I would not have met my hubby and would not have moved to the US and would not have decided to adopt and would not have met so many good friends along the way... as much as I loved my dad (of course I was 9 and a girl's dad is their world) and there are times I get a little sad and teary wishing dad were around to see his grandkids etc had he not have died then things would have been completely different in our lives... the thing about my mum leaving this earth... the thing that scares me about that is that I am 10,000 miles away... that I can't be there for her if she needs me... You need to experience the sad to appreciate the happy - experience the bad to appreciate the good - experience the bumpy times to appreciate the good times...take careFliss and Mike Adventureshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07480895260275801501noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1852496254093254902.post-71801277183441163452008-02-08T18:48:00.000-08:002008-02-08T18:48:00.000-08:00I am not a lining girl but I am not a despair girl...I am not a lining girl but I am not a despair girl either. I can handle grief but it takes a toll on me. I have only lately been able to verbalize it. I tend to keep it inside, in painful silence. Thank you for such a brave post. Dumbo gets me every time...and Charlotte's Web.Yolihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06068063513978782703noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1852496254093254902.post-89281331330444684532008-02-08T18:17:00.000-08:002008-02-08T18:17:00.000-08:00Thank God your back.... I wondered where you had v...Thank God your back.... I wondered where you had vanished to! <BR/><BR/>I, like you am a TMI person- who sees no purpose in not being forthright. But, I have to tell you it always comes back to bite me in the ass. Yet, I can't change it, it is how i am. <BR/><BR/>Part of the pain and beauty of attachment to anyone and anything is the loss of that person or thing. It is inevitable and I believe it is the hardest lesson of our lives. Maybe it is the only true lesson of our lives. <BR/><BR/>You are about to become a mother... any emotion you have ever ignored or pushed out of your mind will now surface with a vengence and you are forever changed. Believe me. Firsthand suppression experience, here. <BR/><BR/>I am so sorry for all you are going thru... so sorry about Sam....I know what it is like to have a very ill fur baby and so many people discount that love.<BR/><BR/>StacieStaciehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09063060565866761593noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1852496254093254902.post-88849991804274127732008-02-08T18:00:00.000-08:002008-02-08T18:00:00.000-08:00In college, I took many philosophy courses. One p...In college, I took many philosophy courses. One philosophy/religion course (you could take it under either area but it was the same course) focused on grief, death and dying. I was drawn to the course because of many past issues that had shaped my life up to that point. I spent the majority of the course discussing philosophically the issues that were hardest and still are hardest for me to verbalize. I wrote alot about boundaries and how we utilize walls to protect self from further injury. Your post makes me want to seek out that notebook and reflect. You are always inspiring.Margaret Mhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15243421179418992510noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1852496254093254902.post-41827657491765337972008-02-08T14:18:00.000-08:002008-02-08T14:18:00.000-08:00Okay, you had me at the Dumbo scene! I get teary j...Okay, you had me at the Dumbo scene! I get teary just thinking about that precious little Dumbo, big ol' ears, with the best, most protective mommy on the block. <BR/>Thanks for a beautifully written post. It made me think. Not much has done that for me lately... something about toddlers circling my feet...Stefaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15929186829748543826noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1852496254093254902.post-38047644914123229312008-02-08T11:31:00.000-08:002008-02-08T11:31:00.000-08:00aaah grief, we can chose to embrace it, or hide fr...aaah grief, we can chose to embrace it, or hide from it...it can manifest in so many ways, even optimism! <BR/><BR/>I probably choose rage and depression, which are really one and the same, the depression just lacks the enthusiasm of rage...I tend to spin the 'rage' part as passion, I become hyperfocused on any one thing...it keeps my mind off the grieving.<BR/><BR/>But, whether you have lost a child, the hope of a child, or a parent or partner...you must pass through grief in order to move foward, some may circumnavigate it, hike over it, or dance around it...but it is there, you gotta face it or it might creep up on you later on and bash the living shit out of you...silver lining and all!<BR/><BR/>kudos to you though, I love your half full silver lining approach...perhaps I'd have to slap you silly if you do it around me...or rather, I'd ask for pointers on how to acheive it.<BR/><BR/>HayleySnowflowers Mumhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01543028816090710198noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1852496254093254902.post-30647008981156867842008-02-08T11:06:00.000-08:002008-02-08T11:06:00.000-08:00I can so relate to the fear of losing your mother....I can so relate to the fear of losing your mother. That has always been my biggest fear in life as well. And, like you, my own mortality doesn't scare me in the least. But, ever since I can remember I have dwelled on the fact that my mom may one day not be here and it completely freaks me out. I feel for you about your dog as well. I went through this a few years ago and it was utterly heartwrenching but I got through it much better than I ever thought I would.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1852496254093254902.post-54983098804856173072008-02-08T06:54:00.000-08:002008-02-08T06:54:00.000-08:00We wouldn't grieve if something hadn't been import...We wouldn't grieve if something hadn't been important enough to do it over. I think you are absolutely spot on about this stuff.<BR/><BR/>I'm sorry life is bumpy waters right now in your corner of the world.Tamarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04549276862024962479noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1852496254093254902.post-8385880376612414742008-02-08T02:43:00.000-08:002008-02-08T02:43:00.000-08:00I get this more than you know....I too am a silver...I get this more than you know....I too am a silver lining kind of girl. "A things could always be worse..." kind of outlook. Just my way of not having to get to close to scary and sad parts of life I guess.TBG Happeningshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16949913196914697258noreply@blogger.com