You asked, I answer (part 4)

This is our friends' daughter, Esme. I'm using these pictures because, with regards to Heather's question, I often look at these and try to imagine us with our daughter. We were so thrilled to be holding Esme that day, and you can see it in our faces! Of course, Esme was really a baby when these were taken, and Flynn will be quite a bit bigger than this by the time we finally hold her!


Heather asked:
Can I still ask a question?
If so, do you have any predictions for what Flynn will be like?

We’re in the Waiting Child program (children with medical needs, for those who don’t know) and our list of needs is fairly broad. I have spent a lot of time, then, wondering what sort of medical needs she will have and trying to prepare for dealing with it. That alone is going to be a big change in our life, and I want us to be ready and competent and prepared. For some reason I picture her as a heart baby - I’m not sure why that’s what I hope for. It isn’t necessarily an easy condition - especially since we’re open to major heart conditions as well as minor. But that's what I picture.
I guess on the whole I have spent less time trying to picture what she will look like and what sort of person she will be. That’s partly because I know I can’t possibly guess, and partly because I don’t want to go in with a preconception. I want to go in with my heart completely open, and my eyes and ears completely open. I feel like that way I’ll have a better chance of sussing out who she really is, rather than imposing my images of a child (or imposing myself) on her. I want her to be her own person, and I want us to accept her for that. I mean, if someone had asked me what sort of man I would have for a life partner? I would NEVER in a million years have been able to conjure up the man who is my husband now. And yet, he was out there, and he’s the best thing that ever happened to me.
Like those people that don’t want to know the sex of their baby before the delivery, I guess I have the feeling that this is the biggest surprise we’ll ever get to have in our lives, and that’s kind of exciting!

Juju asked:
You have multiple artistic talents between writing, drawing, photographing...: which one do you think helps your express yourself the best? Which one do you want to improve? Which one do you still have to learn? Which one could you live without? or could not?

- I think I can probably express myself the best in writing. I have always written, I love language and I’m endlessly fascinated by words and their subtle shades of meaning.

- I want to improve ALL of them! There is no area in which I do not need improvement.

- I have the most to learn in painting and photography. Both complex and subtle arts with many technical aspects in which it takes years to become proficient. And...I’m lazy. There’s so much I could learn about photography just by taking a few online lessons. I just don’t. I always seem to have something more pressing to do.

- When you say “which one could you live without”, my pure gut reaction is “Don’t take away my camera!!” Funny, because that’s probably my area of the least expertise, and yet I CANNOT STAND To be without my camera! That said, no one has threatened to take away my writing or drawing abilities, so who knows. I’m greedy. I want all of them.

Vivian M asked:
What is the most important advice or words of wisdom you would like to share with your daughter (when the time is right)?

I thought long and hard on this one last night, standing outside and watching the moon, and here’s what I came up with:
Live every moment as if it were all you had. And I don’t mean in a “party like it’s 1999” way, nor do I mean in a morbid way. I mean really, really value every day, whether it’s a good day or a bad day, or just an “ordinary” day. Think about what you hold the most dear, what and whom you love and why. Think about where you came from and what formed the person that you are, and how you are still changing. Think about history and what we can learn from it, and where we will go in the future. Think about other people and how they live and why. Think about life on a large scale, all the time, and value it for all its complexity. Learn to love the process of learning. Drink in all of it, good and bad. Because in the end, life really does go by faster than you’d like it to, and if you waste it, if you “kill time” instead of reveling in it, chances are you’ll regret what you’ve let slip through your fingers.