Lucky...

Yeah, me. I am unaccountably lucky. Good fortune, blessings, whatever you like to call it...I landed on my feet in this world, not with a silver spoon in my mouth, but definitely with someone smiling on me.

I don't know what I did to deserve all this, but it must have been something special.

We went to C@stc* this morning. Yup. Nothing special, you'd think. Just another big box. I've been shopping at the local Sunflower Farmer's Market (it's within walking distance, and I can just throw QQ in the stroller...makes me feel better about my resource consumption), and it has been months since we've done a big C run. But staples were running low, so this morning, on a bright, crisp, fragrant early fall morning, we took the opportunity to go as a family before M. had to head to work.

I'm not sure how to explain the feeling of joy that comes with just going grocery shopping with my husband and our daughter. It really is the most astonishing feeling...just pure happiness. For no reason. Just because. Gratuitous. For free.

I remember having that feeling when M. and I were first dating - even a trip to W@lmart or a slice of pizza for dinner felt like a vacation in Biarritz. Being together just made everything sparkle that way.

And that's been my experience with QQ as well, since...well, at least since I recovered from my run-in with the parasites. It was hard to sparkle during that little episode! But these days, with her in my life, everything just glows a little brighter...the flowers in the garden, the tomatoes ripening on our vines, the lights in our windows when we're returning home from a run with the Chariot around the lake. Because of her, when I go to bed at night, I actually look forward eagerly, with a little shiver of contentment, to waking up the next morning and lifting her compact little body out of the crib.
And....those cheeks. I mean, those cheeks! Need I say more?

These things are such tremendous, inestimable gifts. I don't quite know how to repay them, or to deserve them, or to appreciate them in a manner that befits the magnitude of my fortune.

We are not wealthy - neither of us. We're more secure than some, but far, far humbler than many. Our house is small, and we have no money for home improvement. I don't know what we will do when the roof needs retiling. M. drives a car so decrepit that I'm afraid the wheels are going to come flying off every time I get in it, and the hefty student loans he's shouldering will prevent him from getting a newer one anytime soon. QQ has many surgeries ahead of her. And as for me...I have two words for you: Freelance. Illustrator.
I make less money than most kindergarten teachers. Heck I probably make less than the popcorn vendor at the local amusement park.
But even there, I am incredibly fortunate. I chose to be in the arts because that's what I love, pure and simple. It's what I thrive on. And, for someone in the arts, I am doing quite a brisk business these days. I actually have more work than I can handle. There is, of course, virtually no potential for any real profit, given the nature of my business (and the fact that there's only one of me), but here's the thing:
Every morning I get to hug my husband goodbye, set my daughter down on a quilt on the studio floor with a few things to keep her occupied, and sit down at my drawing table and.....
deep sigh.......draw.
How many people in the world are that lucky?

We have a garden that is (mysteriously) full of vegetables. OK, we did plant them, but, I mean, we never expected them to actually produce!
We have (so far) an insurance policy that was good enough to allow us to adopt this amazing, incredible child through the Waiting Child program, and help her get the surgery she will need. And for the rest...we get by. We have nothing to complain about and nothing to argue over. We are happy. We are a great comfort and a great joy to one another. We laugh a lot. A lot. We have a loving family and a warm and nurturing home.

I mean, seriously. How many people have all of that? I wouldn't trade with the richest man in Christendom.