9/27/08

Lucky...


Yeah, me. I am unaccountably lucky. Good fortune, blessings, whatever you like to call it...I landed on my feet in this world, not with a silver spoon in my mouth, but definitely with someone smiling on me.

I don't know what I did to deserve all this, but it must have been something special.

We went to C@stc* this morning. Yup. Nothing special, you'd think. Just another big box. I've been shopping at the local Sunflower Farmer's Market (it's within walking distance, and I can just throw QQ in the stroller...makes me feel better about my resource consumption), and it has been months since we've done a big C run. But staples were running low, so this morning, on a bright, crisp, fragrant early fall morning, we took the opportunity to go as a family before M. had to head to work.

I'm not sure how to explain the feeling of joy that comes with just going grocery shopping with my husband and our daughter. It really is the most astonishing feeling...just pure happiness. For no reason. Just because. Gratuitous. For free.

I remember having that feeling when M. and I were first dating - even a trip to W@lmart or a slice of pizza for dinner felt like a vacation in Biarritz. Being together just made everything sparkle that way.

And that's been my experience with QQ as well, since...well, at least since I recovered from my run-in with the parasites. It was hard to sparkle during that little episode! But these days, with her in my life, everything just glows a little brighter...the flowers in the garden, the tomatoes ripening on our vines, the lights in our windows when we're returning home from a run with the Chariot around the lake. Because of her, when I go to bed at night, I actually look forward eagerly, with a little shiver of contentment, to waking up the next morning and lifting her compact little body out of the crib.
And....those cheeks. I mean, those cheeks! Need I say more?

These things are such tremendous, inestimable gifts. I don't quite know how to repay them, or to deserve them, or to appreciate them in a manner that befits the magnitude of my fortune.

We are not wealthy - neither of us. We're more secure than some, but far, far humbler than many. Our house is small, and we have no money for home improvement. I don't know what we will do when the roof needs retiling. M. drives a car so decrepit that I'm afraid the wheels are going to come flying off every time I get in it, and the hefty student loans he's shouldering will prevent him from getting a newer one anytime soon. QQ has many surgeries ahead of her. And as for me...I have two words for you: Freelance. Illustrator.
I make less money than most kindergarten teachers. Heck I probably make less than the popcorn vendor at the local amusement park.
But even there, I am incredibly fortunate. I chose to be in the arts because that's what I love, pure and simple. It's what I thrive on. And, for someone in the arts, I am doing quite a brisk business these days. I actually have more work than I can handle. There is, of course, virtually no potential for any real profit, given the nature of my business (and the fact that there's only one of me), but here's the thing:
Every morning I get to hug my husband goodbye, set my daughter down on a quilt on the studio floor with a few things to keep her occupied, and sit down at my drawing table and.....
deep sigh.......draw.
How many people in the world are that lucky?

We have a garden that is (mysteriously) full of vegetables. OK, we did plant them, but, I mean, we never expected them to actually produce!
We have (so far) an insurance policy that was good enough to allow us to adopt this amazing, incredible child through the Waiting Child program, and help her get the surgery she will need. And for the rest...we get by. We have nothing to complain about and nothing to argue over. We are happy. We are a great comfort and a great joy to one another. We laugh a lot. A lot. We have a loving family and a warm and nurturing home.

I mean, seriously. How many people have all of that? I wouldn't trade with the richest man in Christendom.

15 comments:

kris said...

I am just speechless, basking in YOUR joy...basking in it, soaking it up, savoring some for myself, wondering about how it will be for myself, feeling hope renewed within me...

what a beautiful family you are...

Vivian M said...

You are incredibly wealthy in all the ways that really count. And the best part is that you don't take it for granted and you actually cherish it all.
Thank you for reminding me daily to cherish all the wonderful things in my life that could so easily be taken for granted!

Carrie said...

Money is never enough but the love of a good man and great kids is worth over million dollars.

A Beautiful Mess said...

I had a similar post a few weeks ago....

It takes your breath away doesn't it?!
We were at football game and as I watched my children play and my husband laughing and talking with friends I just couldn't believe that this was my life! Lucky, blessed call it what you will...but I wouldn't trade it for anything!

Maia said...

Funny, I was at a party tonight, and someone was picking my brain about adoption (I think she and her husband are considering it) and I was trying to explain the difference between the way I feel about Spike (my oldest, bio child) and the way I feel about FF. And I said that, while there was no difference in the quantity of love I feel for both of my children, I sometimes feel like, when I think of FF - there is this overarching feeling of pure LUCK. Like there were so many different ways this could have gone - every tick along the path could have changed everything - and yet, somehow, I ended up with this most perfect of little girls. This child that I could not love more. And I am so grateful for that. And feel so, so lucky.

You wrote about this beautifully. There is so much joy in your recent posts - it's a deep pleasure to read.

Fliss and Mike Adventures said...

You have MORE joy, love, happiness in what you write, take pictures of, draw... therefore more richer in everything then the richest man in the world who has enough money to potentially not worry about anything... I would take your life then theirs... I know I would rather be 'poor' and happy rather then 'rich' and miserable... I think that fate/destiny etc come to play and alot of the times things happen for a reason... and when they are meant to happen... know what I mean...

Mamacita said...

Isn't it wonderful to be full of love and gratitude and joy?! Wonderous joy!

Jan said...

Maia...
So wonderfully well said!! We so totally understand how you feel!! It is an almost an unexplainable feeling!!
We have similar, as well as, different circumstances.
Ever since Jillian came along the world is a better place. Colors are more brilliant. We walk with a lighter step. We smile at the very thought of her.
The littlest of family outings, whether it be a trip to the aquarium, or just a walk around the block is just a breath taking experience!!! Isn't life BEAUTIFUL!!!!

Hugs to your beautiful family!!

Jan, John & Jillian Rose

mam said...

I'm very happy for you and your family.

Lost and Found said...

Great post! I can't wait to see your first drawing of Flynn. I have those same feelings when in the middle of the night I feel those tiny feet pressed against my back or she clutches my hand and asks me to rub her belly or when she takes her hand and rubs my cheek. Ahhhhhh heaven.

Margaret Miracle said...

We are celebrating Lily's four year anniversary in our family today and I just loved this post. It is all of the moments of each day that add up to the wonderful that is my life!

kerri said...

Your one of the wealthies women on earth, I feel your love and joy in every post.
Love is never bought, some people never have the joys of figuring this out, it makes me sad for them...

Cavatica said...

I agree with Kerrie - you are tremendously wealthy. There are those with monetary wealth who are completely bereft. You have a gift for knowing what matters in life - knowing that it is in the smile of a child, the growth of a flower or a vegetable, the hug of a loved one,... and that it has nothing to do with material.

Although, I gotta say, that red & white top is astonishingly cute on QQ. She'd look marvelous in a paper bag, however.

Heather said...

You can't put a pricetag on love and happiness... or on the sheer cuteness of that baby!

Yoli said...

Love how your post mirrors the images. Just lovely, all of that fall harvest at QQ's precious little feet.